the (bitter?) end...

so i'm at the end of my pregnancy with sweet little caroline. honestly, i must confess my morale is low b/c

• i feel like i weigh 1,000 lbs and
• it hurts to wear clothes b/c i'm so big and
• all i really feel like doing is eating and sleeping (but I can't get any sleep b/c it's uncomfortable to lay down...and sitting and standing are uncomfortable too) and
• lifting anything or bending over feel like cruel asian torture positions and
• i'm discouraged that my house isn't ready right this second and
• i'm frustrated that i feel like i can't give 100% to anna kate and j.r. and
• i get impatient with all of their messes and fusses and
• i don't want to have to start going to the ob/gyn for weekly checks and
• i'm sick right now.
• also, i dread nursing again (it's awful) and
• recovering from another 3rd+ degree tear and
• i worry about being paralyzed from the epidural...i really do.

BUT i'm really excited to meet her...and i wouldn't trade being about to have my 3rd child for

• the perfect size 2 body and
• the perfect house and
• feeling like a million bucks and
• being able to do whatever I wanted with my time
• even for a million bucks.

i feel so blessed and thankful for each of my dear children and especially my husband and my God and getting to spend each precious day with them...i love them so much it brings me tears...being a mom is a weird thing :)