We lost our fourth baby...

Our sweet baby was due January 1st but came July1st instead between 13 and 14 weeks. It is my very first miscarriage and after 3 healthy full-term babies, I am just a little shocked by it all....less than 24 hours ago I thought I had a baby full of life inside of me and was so excited about all the blessing it would bring to our family. Having another child is very counter-intuitive because in the past I've felt that the more kids you have the more work and stress it must be, but all the work and stress is strongly out-weighed by the joy and unique beauty each child brings to our family and I love them each so much...I am so very thankful for our three precious little ones I have to hug and cuddle through this (even though I sure was hoping this fourth baby would be our hug-and-cuddler because it isn't the other 3's favorite thing to do). I feel like I don't know how to feel and grieve b/c I keep getting my emotions interrupted by cramps and blood and guts and exhaustion. The doctor said it looks like it should all happen naturally as most of it has, so I am thankful for no surgery. I hesitate to post this on my blog because it's raw and honest and most people don't talk about these sorts of things, and I don't want to make people feel bad for us or feel the need to write me awkward notes of apology, but I just needed to have it out there so that I can remember this day and so don't have to talk about it anymore right now. I just want to focus on some things coming up soon that I'm really looking forward to like our friends from Virginia the Taliaferros coming to visit, J.R.'s 3rd birthday party, Pine Cove Family Camp, a weekend trip to San Fransisco with Jon for our anniversary and a weekend at a Bed and Breakfast in Canton with a few mom-girlfriends for my 30th birthday. I have so much to be thankful for...above all that God is real and present and he cares about each and every precious little lamb.